Saturday, 23 April 2011

Restoring faith & counting blessings {quite long}

This house move has become a nightmare. Last week I went on complete emotional meltdown and all but give up on the whole deal. I haven’t cried so much in years, as one door closed two more slammed. By Sunday I had lost all hope that God even knew I existed, much less cared so I went into church after sacrament to speak to my branch president. For me to miss church there has to be a good reason, this week, I just couldn’t feel it. {I also had ear-ache through the night but it wouldn’t have stopped me going if I could just get my mind/heart in some hopeful place}.

Three hours later I walked out of his office feeling worse than before but more in control of myself. I say worse because while I was in there many things were covered that I hadn’t mentally processed. It’s always good to have another persons opinion. Later that afternoon I sent a message to my two fellow admin on my Facebook group offering to resign from my status. Long shot of it was, Alex called me to cheer me on and gently nudge me in the right direction and Josie messaged and done what she does best…offered friendship and support. I don’t think I’ve ever felt that spiritually low in all my 11 years of being a member of the Lds church!

When I received a book Alex had lent to me, Believing Christ, I took time out {a 3 hour bath to be precise!} to read and ponder. I’d read it years before but never had it been so needed.

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This is just a little of what I gleaned from it:

    • God/Jesus Christ offers the same promises to every person, regardless of the worldly person they choose to be.
    • They do not and can not withhold a promise once we have done our part.
    • They do not think badly of us and withdraw their love and/or guidance.
    • It is us, mere mortals that decide if they love us or not when we feel we are failing or not good enough.
    • God knew we would fail at many things, that is why we had Jesus Christ step in to atone for us.
    • No matter how much we’ve sinned, a heartfelt sorry and change of direction always gains us forgiveness.
    • I am far too quick to put myself down rather than remember the good things that I stand for.
    • While I’m too busy counting my failures I am forgetting the successes.
    • I am worth more than I could ever comprehend, just as you are.
    • Just a little faith, a little prayer and a little action reaps blessings bigger than we can understand.

These are simple things that we find we often spurt out to someone else when they need a lift, simple things that are so easy to say yet sometimes hard to take on board for ourselves.

Yesterday the contents of my house went into a friends barn for storage for a week while I clean this house and get ready to move into the next one. More people turned up than I expected and within an hour and a half the van was loaded. Part way through I stood for a minute to just take in something that I’d bypassed somehow:

People care about me more than I realised. They cared enough to spend a part of their Good Friday to come and help me move stuff 15 miles away. At the moment I stood in my empty dining room, Sgrateful for the people I was seeing around me. someone came and stood beside me, put his arm around me and said:  ‘’ I know, it’s great to be loved isn’t it, Debs?’’

I know the Lord listened to my prayer the night before when I expressed my concerns, my insecurities, my fears and even my plans for the coming summer. I know he listened attentively at how my heart was feeling, how my spirit was feeling small and insignificant. I know he heard my concerns about people around me, my work and my health. By the end of the day, I lay in the bath and read more of Believing Christ.

My heart calm. My mind soothed and my spirit danced. I finally understood what it means to believe Him.

I am so grateful for my trials and challenges, I’m grateful for being a Daughter of God, a mother, a nanna, a daughter and a friend. I’m grateful for my little branch and all the friends I’ve made. I’m grateful for the family who allowed me to store our stuff at there barn, the same family who gave my little man a wonderful 2 days by letting him stay with them and I’m grateful to know that life is about choices and trust and faith.

Today, the day before Easter Sunday we are in an almost empty house, sleeping on a mattress on the living room floor, eating from paper plates and talking, laughing, sharing and just being a little family. We are happy. Nothing worldly is touching us right now {limited computer time is the exception!} nothing materialistic is interfering with us and we are calmer, happier and more relaxed than ever.

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So now we are really hoping that our tv really does sell whilst its listed to sell! We want a no-tv living area in the new house and a new take on time management is already proving a great move to us all here.

Happy Easter, I hope you find your way to believing the promises that Jesus Christ offers you.

Debs

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