Tuesday, 9 November 2010

When someone wants to hurt you…

they will say and do anything to achieve it. I have met people like that throughout life, some are just hitting out and then wish to put it right while others do it, then promptly justify it even though they know it was wrong.

Either way, that's how some people are. I don’t take much notice anymore. Real people turn themselves around, real people face up to their challenges, real people don't need to lie and offset blame to all and sundry.

I asked my ex husband at the end of our marriage, ‘why do you find you can deal with such intense work issues but  you cant work on our marriage?’ his answer ‘I cant deal with emotional things’.

At the time I accepted it. He left home and went straight into the military when he was 16, it was standard for him to have everything military style, he never needed to think or feel, just act. That’s how our life was. A countdown by the 0 hundred hours and X amount of time to do things. Even on holiday. I actually admired him for his honesty till I realised he was just not prepared to try because he made his move on someone else. However, what I didn’t expect was what came for the next 2 years or the stepping back from his son, noone could have convinced me that he would give up his only child. I also didn’t expect what came on The British Homemaker’s facebook page this last weekend. He must have a lot of time on his hands now!

Maybe I instigated it by doing a direct message to him on here? In all honesty I wasn’t happy about doing it but it is the only way he will respond to me. And yes, he did respond. Nastily again.

I accept that he has his own way of doing things but I just cant understand where this nastiness has come from, the lies the added info that just didn’t happen and how he is justifying not being in Charley’s life or paying towards Charley now.

I am not going to respond more than I am here, I have a solicitor and a barrister and now he has gone public he has done me the one favour that I really didn’t expect him to do. The sad fact of it all is, I have kept bank account statements showing everything we ever did, credit card bills and other stuff, i have end of account utility bills that have been paid for by me. I have such a comprehensive back up of what really went on that I don’t even feel phased by his move. Further responses from me will be directed towards my legal team. Any further spurts from him will be added to my file.

However, I do feel sorry for the people on my facebook, they have had to endure his tac tics, for that I apologise.

We have been split up for almost 4 years now, each blog I have had he has followed. I have, time and again asked if we can just make the effort to be civil for Charley’s sake. Instead of a mutual agreement I am told ‘just because you want to call a truce doesn’t mean I have to’. What can you say to that? I didn’t end our marriage, I wanted counselling but when I knew he had an affair with his work colleague that was it for me.

The rest is details. Of course we are both going to tell the version that suits, but one thing is for sure….I account to GOD each and EVERY day of my life, for all things, in all things and about all things. I have 8 years of paperwork from household bills to solicitors letters, from threats on yahoo chat to text messages witnessed by a former solicitor. He has a police record because he kicked me between the legs a week after I had a hysterectomy, I was in so much pain I called the police and even they suspected further damage. If it weren’t for my kids I would have pressed charges there and then. My kids are the ones that asked me not to, they just wanted a normal family.

That doesn’t even cover the surface of the whole situation but one thing is for sure, he needs some serious counselling.

I see a law suit coming on. Just for reference: Liabel laws don't start and end in the Uk.

Debs

ps. I'm not hurt. To be hurt you have to care. I stopped caring the day his girlfriend called me for advice....right before the marriage ended!
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