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“What do you want to be when you grow up?”
“A wife and mother.”
“No, really, what do you want to be when you grow up?”
“A wife and mother, didn’t you hear me the first time?”
“Seriously, a wife and mother? Why?”
The above conversation happened several times over the course of my younger years before I got married and had children. I always knew I wanted to be a wife and mother and I have never wavered in my desire to be the best wife and mother.
I had in my mind of being the perfect 50’s “super human” housewife, keeping the house spotless, husband and kids well fed every night with a homemade meal and life would be like those old black and white TV sitcoms.
Of course I was wrong, completely wrong in my thinking and I am still trying to find a good balance between being a wife, mother, daughter, friend and wonder woman. Most of the times I would feel like a huge failure because my expectations of myself were just too high.
Sure, now I realize I can’t be everything to everyone at every single turn but I can try and it’s ok if I fall and stumble along the way. Life isn’t supposed to be perfect and we are not perfect and it took a long time for me to realize I am NOT perfect.
Do you ever feel overwhelmed? Like your not living up to those unrealistic expectations you created in your head as to what role you are supposed to play? I know I do.
I have learned that I can’t do it all and that regardless of what our society thinks a woman should be (everything and more) isn’t what I wanted to be and that I needed to jump off the race track and slow down and realize that I am just me and that’s ok.
Life isn’t going to be perfect, my house isn’t going to be spotless, (I have 3 soon to be 4 kids and they are like tornado’s running thru my house 5 minuets after I clean and showing me just how quickly it’s all ruined). I am going to have dirty dishes in the sink, dirty clothes that will need to be washed and dinner isn’t always going to be homemade (cold cereal is just fine for dinner sometimes!).
I wish someone had told me how hard being a wife and mother really was so that I could be prepared for what was to come. Being married is give and take and full of compromises and learning how to share responsibility and learning to let go.
Being a mother is pretty much the same but in some ways lots harder because you can’t expect your screaming child to be a grown up and listen when they are throwing a huge tantrum. Don’t get me wrong there are lots of things that are wonderful about being a mom but there are a lot that isn’t so wonderful, (you know what I am talking about – screaming, tantrums, telling you they “hate you” or that “you don’t love them” when they don’t get their way…believe me I have many examples).
Mind you, I am glad that I got a chance to make my way and find my footing as a wife and mother. It really helped me to grow as a person and I am so grateful to have realized that things don’t have to be perfect to be wonderful.
I am by no means and expert and I still have a lot to learn but I have learned that this life is just too short to be worried about my house being spotless all the time or to worry about how dirty the kids have just gotten – as long as everyone is happy and healthy, safe and enjoying life, that’s all that matters to me.
To read more about Arya and her full life as a wife and mom, visit her blog.